Does Your Team Have a Soundtrack?

<<all names in this post have been changed to protect the guilty>>

Most of my closest friends know that I am an ex-college DJ and music aficionado. I love songs in almost every genre and style. Because of this love, one of my ex-coworkers thought I would get a kick out of an email. He had put together a corporate soundtrack. No, it’s not one of those hokey corporate rah-rah things. Russ had set down and put together a list of songs he thought fit the co-workers around him. Reading the list it was painfully obvious which individuals he liked and didn’t like. He even went so far as to create a corporate anthem and add it as track one. I’ll definitely give Russ credit for creativity; I actually had to look a few of these songs up. Again, I took the liberty of saving his job by changing the names. Fortunately I know most of the people he’s referring to, so I replaced their names with comical or generic names that the songs made me think of.

Track Title Cover Artist Original Title Original Artist

1

The Anthem Office Space Land of Confusion Genesis

2

[They] F*ing Hate Me Jack Black She F*ing Hates Me Puddle of Mud

3

[I'm] Useless Dwight Schrute Useless Depeche Mode

4

Margaritaville Captain Morgan Margaritaville Jimmy Buffett

5

No Man’s Woman Liz Taylor No Man’s Woman Sinead O’Conner

6

[I’m a] Power Junkie Adolf Hitler Power Junkie Billy Idol

7

[Jack] I F*ing Hate You Sissy Spacek I F*ing Hate You Godsmack

8

[I'm] Alive Russ Alive Pearl Jam

9

Everybody Knows [I run this place] Joe Biden Everybody Knows Trisha Yearwood

10

Disappearing Act Harry Houdini Disappearing Act Chris Cornell

11

[I'm gonna] Snap Lewis Black Snap Slipknot

12

[I'm a] Money Maker Billy Mayes Money Maker Too Short

13

[Adolf, I'm gonna] Run to You Eva Braun Run to You Bryan Adams

14

I’m So Excited Droopy the Dog I’m So Excited Pointer Sisters

15

Why am I Here? Jim Halpert Why am I Here? W.A.S.P.

So I pose this to you – if every team can be summarized in this way, what would your team’s soundtrack say? It is obvious by reading the list above that Russ is not exactly happy with those around him and the company as a whole. Sit down and try coming up with one of your own. You might be amazed at the answers you come up with. It can also allow you to find a path to fixing those areas where the notes don’t quite match your sheet music.

Dealing with DGC Disease

I want to spend a few minutes today to discuss a very serious and confounding issue that is making its way through some corporate infrastructures like wild fire. Please pay careful attention to the symptoms, diagnosis and treatment so you can avoid this plague in your environment.

Ailment Overview

DGC Disease affects many overstressed or overworked individuals in today’s business world. Most people refer to it as DGC Disease because the scientific name (Don’t Givea Crap Disease) is considered politically incorrect in some corporate circles. While there are known treatments and cures for this disease, it must be addressed in the early stages to keep it from advancing beyond DGC and into an incurable and devastating case of LACES (Life Altering Career Ending Situations).

It has also been known to go by the names:

  • “Repetitive Anal Glaucoma Syndrome”
    • Common Name: “I don’t see my butt coming to work today”
  • “Chronic Petulism”
    • Common Name: “Grumpy butt”
  • “Office Space Mimicry Disorder”
    • Common Name: “I’m just not going to go to work today”

WARNING: This disease is highly contagious and can spread through organizations and corporations with rapid frequency, infecting entire teams or projects in days.

Symptoms

Primary symptoms include bad attitude, general irritability and pain in the posterior. Unfortunately this disease is often misdiagnosed as “a case of the Mondays”, having a bad day, somebody is a bad apple, or simple grumpiness. While not always the case, without careful monitoring these seemingly benign symptoms can evolve into a full case of DGC very quickly.

Diagnosis

Due to the rapid evolution and contagious nature of this disease, it is imperative that you monitor anyone exhibiting symptoms carefully. Unfortunately, diagnosis is hampered by masking agents and the sufferer’s ability to withhold personal thoughts and feelings from management personnel. While some members of your team may openly communicate when they begin exhibiting symptoms, others may not do so until they have become infectious to others. This is why it is essential that you as the leader be observant and diligent in watching for any early indications of this disease.

Treatment

While there are multiple proven treatments for DGC, there is no single silver bullet that will remedy this disease in every situation. Infections are very individual in nature and due to this individuality, it is imperative that the first step in treating this disease be open and honest communication. While this step can be difficult to complete, it must be completed fully before any other version of treatment can begin. As the practitioner, the team leader or manager must utilize every method available to find the root cause of the individual’s ailment. Many times, if this step is conducted early on, you can prevent escalation to full blown DGC and even more importantly keep it from spreading to others. The personalized nature of this disease means that you must build a rapport with the individual to avoid coming across as fake, uncaring or uninterested. In fact, these feelings may already exist and be the root cause of the symptoms. This is especially difficult if you have a history of coming across as a harsh task master, disciplinarian or otherwise bad manager.

Once the actual cause of DGC is identified, it is imperative that you follow through with the appropriate measures to resolve the offending source. If this step is omitted or skipped, the symptoms will rapidly evolve into a more severe and sometimes unrecoverable case.

Unfortunately not all cases are curable. If, for any reason, an individual case of DGC advances beyond any known cure, it must be isolated and contained to avoid spreading the infection to the remainder of the coworkers and team. This is commonly known as the “bad apple syndrome”.  This must be avoided at all costs. If ignored, this disease can devastate profitability, productivity, morale and possibly lead to career-threatening events for anyone caught in the wake – including you as the manager.

Prevention

As with any disease, an ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure. The level of effort involved in preventing this disease is but a fraction of what is required once it presents itself into your organization. While daily communication and interaction with your team and setting the example of great leadership and attitude are the early stepping stones for prevention, there is one key to successful prevention. Honesty. There is no greater way to incite a case of DGC than by being found to be a dishonest or secretive to your team. As a great leader, you expect open and honest communication from your team. You will only receive this if you reciprocate and give them the same.

Leadership – Ummm no!

Don't do this!

Don't do this!

Ummm….

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Nuff said for today :)